this year, something resembled the flicking of a switch. i always like having an answer for things, discovering the driving force behind reason. but this time, as if original and natural, i’m comfortable not knowing the who, what, when, where and why.
all i can say is that i’ve been living a lifestyle and have recognized that it hasn’t been working for me. i’ve been holding onto these dreams that i’ve had since the age of ten, and have kept them as a photo framed and hung on my wall whenever making a decision related to school or a career or a financial decision. and i’ve felt that regardless of how i play this game, moving my framed photo from a bedroom wall to a cubicle divider, pushing my dreams and desires aside to accommodate the socially acceptable process of life, i cannot ever seem to be within arms reach of my ultimate dream. in fact, i feel myself drifting further and further from who i am and where i wish to be.
much like banging my head against the wall, precisely next to my framed photo, it took a while for me to step back and breathe and realize that it’s very possible that this generalized and socially acceptable path just isn’t for the individual that is me.
i’ve realized that to at least be within arms reach of my dreams, i have to change my surroundings. and to change my surroundings, i have to change my lifestyle. and to change my lifestyle, i have to disconnect from this one that i’m currently living.
